I don’t know if this started on ArseBlog or not, but that’s where I picked it up on Twitter. I found most of these really amusing for some reason and since I know many of you enjoy horrible puns, I figured I’d collect them in a post for posterity.
Sea-Basstian Larsson
Stern John Dory
Ruud Mullet
Juan Pablo Angelfish
John Scales
Butch Whelkins
Fabio Au-whale-io
Nicky HaliButt
Fin-nando Torres
Zlatan I-Breem-himovic
Carp Ji Sung/Pike Ji Sung
Sting-Ray Parlour
Victor Anchovy
Jan Moby
Prawn Wright Phillips
Salmon Kalou
Scampi Townsend
Dirk Trout
Cesc Fabre-bass
Herring Berg
Roe-bert Pires
Marlin King
Matt le Fishier
Sole Campbell
Whale Clichy
Gareth Barrycuda
Clam Allardyce
The challenge, which remarkably few of you chose to accept, was to make an MTG pro as a Magic card. I actually love this concept, but somehow missed the mark on generating excitement. These were the entries we received.
1)
2)
3)
4)
And this is an old one from @mrfridays that doesn’t count for the competition.
5)
I have my own personal favorite chosen, but second and third place will be chosen by you fine folks. 3 prizes for four entries. Vote vote vote!
The card they make Pikula use when picking teams at Finkel drafts
Once upon a time, Magic players could win a tournament called the Magic Invitational and get their likenesses put on a Magic card. Sadly, that event was discontinued some time ago. The last invitational card produced was Antoine Ruel’s Ranger of Eos.
Just because Wizards isn’t making Magic cards with Pro faces on them any more doesn’t mean we can’t. So today’s contest will be:
Create Magic cards for your favorite/least favorite Pro Tour players. These can be past or present (so something like Ken Krouner as Enraged Baloth or sticking Osyp Lebedowicz’s head at the bottom of Liar’s Pendulum would be acceptable, as would Paulo Da Rosa as Dreamy McElferson (a card I am told Lauren Lee has already posterized on her wall). Please only submit new ‘shops.
Winners will be chosen by me and bonus points will be given for humor, sick photoshop skills, and excellent use of source material. The deadline for this is midnight Sunday eastern time.
1st Prize: Primeval Titan (MODO or RL)
2nd Prize: 10 Magic Online tix or a 10$ SCG gift certificate.
3rd Prize: Something random
Post your entries in the comments below or send them to me at mixedknuts at gmail. Best of luck.
Quotable Quotes
@bmkibler – The Andover Bookstore does not sell hats nearly big enough for my head.
@briankiblersego My head is so big it was once confused for Conley Woods #ohsnap
@briankiblersego My head is so big it was 3/4 of the field at GP Dallas #banjace
@briankiblersego I was going to say my head is so big it was once confused for Antonino DeRosa, but he’s too old school for these kids #tragedy
mixedknut yay, another discon
Riptide i have a good method to avoid disconnections
Riptide (lose)
Kepp hmm, im having a sky eel party tho
Riptide in your pants?
Kepp obv
kaib fp deathmantle
kaib 2p scrapmalter
kaib 3p myrsmith
kaib running well
kaib sword in pack 2 fp, odds on argentum armor for p3?
kaib hm
kaib no argentum armor
kaib steel hellkite is also 6 to cast though
kaib will have to go with that
kaib only equipment bombs, steel hellkite and artifact removal
kaib obviously playing vs some dumb infect deck r1
kaib hah
kaib 5th pick
kaib argentum armor
kaib prolly gonna pass though
Draconis you know what scg needs
Draconis a weekly article on all the judge gossip
Draconis called RikiLeaks
mixedknut flame, what are your feelings on The Bieber
flameWRK the other day i saw this young guy walking hand in hand with a pretty girl
flameWRK i thought “why would she want to be with that child”
flameWRK then i realized…Bieber haircut
kaib if you feel pissed and thate verything is unjust, Kepp, ask ROSHOLM_ for the forum link of some guy who never drafted before and his draft
kaib who made the wrost picks a few times, just completely horrible
kaib and then went on to beat anton a few drafts in
kaib that should pick you up a bit!
Kepp
Riptide can always count on kai for the rubins
Kepp there are a couple of great 3-0 drafts on antons site too
kaib its all i have left
Kepp also, im not sure if there are any japanese essays on swedish christmas traditions floating around
13:27 kaib uh oh
13:28 kaib i heard swedish xmas sport is
13:28 kaib going out there with a gun
13:28 kaib and shooting some guy skiing?
13:28 Kepp yep
13:28 Kepp its extremely difficult tho
13:28 Kepp since you have to ricochet the shot off a moose
Samuel Stoddard: I’d imagine that the US govt seeing wikileaks for the first time is like the poor Japanese guy who got linked to Tubgirl and realized it was his daughter.
Ben Bleiweiss: Congratulations. When I search “Sluttiest Knutson in England” on Google, you don’t even make page 1 of results.
Knutson: goddammit!
Knutson: I’ve even been working on my SEO for that
Riptide: wow those alterations
Riptide: was gonna say “how do they find the time?”
Riptide: then realized im doing my 104th mss-draft
number1GTfan: rating the Man your fave made me all wet in the pants, so thanks for that- heh.
Mixedknuts: I’m a pleaser!
Mrfridays: the only way you are getting me to listen to a two-hour podcast is if it’s guaranteed to have a code at the end that unlocks sex with Jessica Alba
Flores had a solid article this week on DailyMTG.com recapping some cool Regionals decks, but it’s mostly invalidated by the chart that starts the article. You could play any of these spiffy decks to come out of Regionals.
…but if you want to have the best chance of winning, you should play Caw-Blade. Bleh.
There’s also one line in there that absolutely drove me nuts. “[U/G] Genesis Wave is arguably the most powerful deck in the metagame…” Wait a second, it is? Who is arguing this? Everyone I know would argue RUG (or maybe Reid’s BUG list) is probably the most powerful deck in the field, while Caw-Blade is obviously the best deck in the field, so what’s going on here?
What’s that you say? The U/G Wave deck is a Flores creation? It’s the deck he switched to after deciding the Mono-White deck he touted on Friday at SCG – the deck he said on the podcast beats everything – wasn’t good enough? Nice Job, Idiot? I’m so confused – there’s just too much spin for my brain to understand.
From what I’ve seen looking at the Regionals data, Big Red is the deck that has impressed me the most. A number of players seemed to do well with this deck across the U.S., and it has plenty of versatile answers to Kor Firewalker.
Tommy Luke’s Big Red 22 Mountain
2 Tectonic Edge
2 Inferno Titan
4 Kuldotha Phoenix
4 Obsidian Fireheart
4 Burst Lightning
4 Everflowing Chalice
4 Koth of the Hammer
4 Lightning Bolt
4 Sphere of the Suns
2 Staggershock
4 Tumble Magnet
PV’s Playhouse – Early Thoughts on New Phyrexia
Paulo’s thoughts on a number of the spoiled cards are very insightful, and it’s interesting to see the perspective of a guy who is really a tuner/efficiency expert as opposed to someone like Chapin, who tends to make his early looks at cards more hypothetical and creative. This is particularly true when he’s expressing negative feelings on cards like Torpor Orb or Beast Within – gotta have some faith that Paulo might be right when he says something isn’t good enough. Slightly disheartening that he also says from the cards he’s seen so far, *gulp* Caw-Blade is the deck the benefits the most.
That article used to contain pretty pictures, but I guess CFB had to take them down because they are still bound by their NDA restrictions. The article certainly loses something without even the text of the spoiled cards to look at. Oh well, good thing I have the stupid NPH Godbook on my computer.
As I noted on Twitter, though I was initially very reticent, I think NPH is fascinating. Phybrid mana is going to be extremely skill-testing, and brings life into play as a resource in a way rarely seen before. We used to use it for drawing cards mostly, now you are using it for casting spells and activating abilities. (Landfall did this with ‘extra’ lands too – very clever stuff.) As someone who has been playing a lot of red recently, I really like the extra tools we’re receiving in that area, though I’m starting to think most red decks may have to maindeck artifact removal for fear of getting rolled by Sword of War and Peace and/or Batterskull.
You should also read Alexander Shearer on why Surgical Extraction ain’t all that. (And a bag of chips. And 3 snaps in Z formation. You know how it goes, girl.)
Finally, while I don’t know if I wholeheartedly recommend Gerard’s article, it’s difficult not to show love to at least the video sections at the end. Gerard was born to be on/behind the camera and involved in goofy stuff. Here’s just the Conley Woods piece, but the rest are either (unpolished) gems or train wrecks that are hard to look away from.
Random Stuff
The spoiling of New Phyrexia actually sucks ass, and the only site it helped at all was MTGSalvation, at the cost of literally every other Magic site on the planet including DailyMTG.com. Preview season has been blown out of the water, all the excitement of carefully calculated information drips is gone, all the smaller sites have lost the enormous hit boosts previews bring… it’s just a waste of awesome.
I’m glad to see Michael Hetrick writing again, this time over at ChannelFireball. The SCG Talent Search didn’t work out for him, but he has too much talent to keep down for long.
The Magic Online Force of Will situation is a bit messy. Apparently Worth Wollpert made this post back in 2008 regarding never reprinting FoW in the Master’s Editions, etc. http://bit.ly/foSAn3 Legacy is just starting to take off online and it’s an open and exciting format, but Force of Will (along with Wasteland) is the staple of the format and already at 130 tix. (Yes, I know dual lands etc are far cheaper online than in real life, but the potential for a hugely vibrant online legacy scene is there if they could just knock the prices down on Force (and maybe LED).
While Worth has pretty clearly stated FoW will not be tied in to a future Master’s Edition, that does not mean it can’t or won’t appear elsewhere. Part of the beauty of MTGO is that you can address supply deficiencies via promos, prize payouts (like they did with IPA), or even running the right draft queues, thereby making entry into various formats (except Standard – stupid Jace), relatively simple. We’re so close to an awesome, explosive Legacy online format – it just needs the tiniest push to make it happen.
In other (still MTG-related) news, surprise clitoris when reading/viewing something normally isn’t quite as appalling to me as shock dong (think next to John. C Reilly’s head in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story), but it does when it’s a) in a Magic article and b) the person involved is Darwin Kastle’s girlfriend. Special thanks to Dane Young for scarring me.
“ The newest model on the shelves is the Tri-Phoria ($39.99), created by the condom company Trojan after a study the company conducted in 2008 in partnership with the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University revealed that over half of American women had used vibrators, and of that group, nearly 80 percent had shared them with their partners. James Daniels, vice president for marketing at Trojan, said: “The idea really came from consumers. They kept telling us vibrators, vibrators. And we just laughed. And then we realized they were serious. ”
Music Time
I linked this on Twitter last week, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been able to stop listening to it. John Legend covered Adele’s Rolling in the Deep by turning it into a spiritual. Gorgeous.
This is the other song from last week I can’t stop listening to- Ellie Goulding’s Lights, remixed by Bassnectar. (Yes, I know the freerunning training gym used it as well. That’s where I got it from in the first place via former Magic R&D member and current Darkspore programmer Paul Sottosanti @psotto).
Speaking of remixes, some of you seemed to enjoy the Robyn song I linked in the Mailbag. Here’s the Trentemoller remix of Konichiwa Bitches (complete with trippy video).
Mixed kNuts 