Early in the pandemic, I was having trouble sleeping. I was having trouble dealing with stress as well. I was drinking too much looking for a release valve (as did nearly everyone), and nothing was working. I was worried about COVID and my family (especially those in the U.S.). I was worried about the impact on StatsBomb when we didn’t acquire a new customer for almost a new quarter. Finding something to help deal with all of the shit heaped on us in 2020 was paramount.
This is me in July of 2019. I know exactly where I was physically and mentally on that day.
Mentally, I was at the end of a 3-month travel stint teaching courses, which were important to help StatsBomb cashflow as we struggled to fill our first fundraising round. I was staying in cheap hotels, not exercising, and eating the type of food that you generally do when on the road. I was excited to visit the LAFC training facilities and catch up with Bob, Will, and Max, and enjoying being in Los Angeles with teaching and podcast partner James Yorke. But I was also just coming to the other side of an extreme stress barrier around fundraising where we were not going to fail, but there was still a lot of work ahead.
Physically, I was fat.
I didn’t see this photo until about a year later, when James was giving a presentation on his background, and his time at StatsBomb. When I did see the photo, I was really taken aback. I’m not sure I realised I was quite that heavy at the time. If I did, I probably did not want to admit it to myself because there was just too much other important shit to deal.
I grew up as a “fat kid.” A very athletic fat kid, but one that was made fun of until I hit my growth spurt just before high school. I had one summer where I was the best player in my little league, but the uniform they gave me was too small and I had to rebutton my pants after every pitch I threw.
I think this kind of messed with my head as I got older, because I ranged from too skinny to an incredibly fit slab of beef into my 30s, but I neither acknowledged it or was able to take much joy in my appearance. (I really wish I had photos of myself from my MMA days, but selfies weren’t a thing then and I tend to stay out of most camera shots anyway. Regardless, any of those photos are two continental moves and 15 years of history in the past.)
ANYWAY… the point here was that I was probably around 113kg (250lb) here, which is as much as I have ever carried as an adult. Previously I tended to get more fit around convention seasons in the late winter and autumn, but even “fit” back then was like 108-110kg?
2020 meant I needed stress relief, and also any decent reason to leave the house. So I started running. I started at about 2.5 miles, a couple of times a week. That gradually morphed into three 4-mile runs a week in the summer. Then autumn rolled around and I bumped it up to two 6-mile stints plus a lighter 4-mile one as well.
I had my 5-year-old take this photo just after Christmas.
That’s 102kg (224lb). I didn’t know it was 102 until I sent a photo to James and he asked me what I weighed. I don’t care about the weight, I just do the process. No real diet – I tend to eat salads for lunch a few days a week, but that’s normal for me. It’s just from doing the work of running and some 15-20 minute yoga on off days. I’m still not “fit”, but I’m getting in range of it. I’m also old, creaky, and stiff as hell, but that’s 44 for you.
I like running now. Even when it’s painful, which it often is. There’s something about choosing to work through the pain and get the job done that is very akin to piloting a startup. I can make myself do painful things, day after day, week after week in pursuit of a goal. It sounds like a cliche, but that has extraordinary value.
The other thing this has given me was time to listen to a bunch of podcasts from extraordinary people. I plan to write more this year for public consumption and plenty of it will be sharing thoughts and ideas about what some of these people say.
So yeah… a bit more fit now. A bit less fat. Mostly because I needed to find stress relief during the pandemic and excuses to leave the house a few times a week. Long may it continue.
PostScript
I snapped this photo in the lounge at LAX while we were waiting for our flight home. It feels like a relic from an earlier age, but it’s a great pic.
“James… no one actually reads physical newspapers these days.“
Mixed kNuts 